Assimilate or Stay True?

——When “Identity” Is Dismissed as a False Question

Identity & Belonging Series (Extra)

By Voice in Between

At a recent community forum, an elderly Chinese immigrant raised his hand during the Q&A session and said earnestly, “I think for people like us—minorities in this country—there’s no point in obsessing over ‘identity.’ What really matters is figuring out how to fully integrate into American society. Stop emphasizing what makes us different.”
His tone was sincere, his eyes weary with the fatigue of someone who had struggled and tried hard to belong. As he spoke, a young Asian American woman in the back row furrowed her brow slightly.

I understood both of them.
Their exchange encapsulated a dilemma many immigrant communities wrestle with: Should we keep asking ourselves “Who am I?” or skip that question altogether and get on with becoming “real Americans”?

But can we really treat identity as something we can just set aside? And even more importantly—what does it mean to “fully integrate”?

Why Can’t We Just Let Go of Identity?

A friend of mine is a Korean American who was born and raised in Chicago. He speaks English more fluently than I do and knows very little about Korean history.
One time, while traveling in the South, he was stared at in a restaurant and asked: “Are you from China?”
In that moment, he felt—perhaps for the first time—that he didn’t truly belong here. And no amount of “trying to be American” could shield him from that feeling.

That’s the heart of the issue: In the U.S., racial and cultural identity isn’t always a matter of personal choice—it’s shaped, and often imposed, by how society sees you.

You might believe you’ve assimilated, but society keeps reminding you: you’re not quite the “real American”—or at least, not the kind they have in mind.

When you’re consistently treated as a perpetual foreigner—misunderstood, excluded, or even devalued—identity isn’t some internal drama. It becomes a lived reality you’re forced to confront. It’s not just philosophy—it’s survival.

Integration Shouldn’t Mean Erasure

To be fair, many first-generation immigrants emphasize the importance of “blending in” for very practical reasons.
They’ve struggled, made sacrifices, and want a smoother path for their children. So they encourage English fluency, Ivy League ambitions, and white middle-class cultural norms.

But often, that notion of “fitting in” quietly turns into something else: assimilation at the cost of one’s roots.

I once heard a young Asian girl give a school speech where she said:
“When I was little, I’d go out of my way to tell classmates I didn’t eat Chinese food—just so they wouldn’t laugh at my lunchbox.”

That’s not an isolated story. It’s a familiar narrative for many Asian American kids.
They’re taught to blend in, but the model they’re blending into never had space for them to begin with.

A truly inclusive society shouldn’t ask you to erase yourself in order to be accepted.
True integration is not about mimicry—it’s about being fully seen and accepted for who you are.

You should be able to be yourself *and* be American. That’s the kind of civic equality we should aim for—not cultural concealment, but mutual recognition.

Identity Is a Starting Point—Not a Dead End

Critics often argue that focusing too much on identity leads to division or self-indulgent introspection.
But ignoring identity allows structural inequality to remain invisible and unchallenged.

Identity, when approached with intention, isn’t about drawing lines or playing victim—it’s a launch pad for action.

Think about it: when Black Americans shout “Black Lives Matter,” or Asian Americans rally against anti-Asian hate, or undocumented Latinx workers strike for legal protections—none of that starts with policy alone.
It begins with a recognition of *who we are*, and of *what we deserve*.

Only when we are clear about our identity can we be clear about what we’re fighting for, and what kind of American we want to be.

An Imagined Ending

Picture this:
A young Asian American child sits in a classroom. A classmate turns to ask, “Where are you from?”
The child replies, “I’m from Las Vegas.”
The classmate nods and moves on—no further questions, no puzzled follow-ups.
That reply is treated as unremarkable, just like someone saying they’re from Utah.

That day may not be here yet. But it’s a future we can work toward.

And until then, we cannot pretend the issue of identity is behind us.
We must face it with honesty—because only by confronting it can we reshape the way society sees us.

Epilogue｜It’s Not About “Obsession”—It’s About Awareness

So when someone says, “Minorities shouldn’t obsess over identity,”
I’d respond: We’re not obsessing—we’re becoming aware.
We’re not running away from reality—we’re trying to change it.

What we seek isn’t the false safety of assimilation,
but a truly pluralistic future—one where you don’t have to hide who you are just to belong.
One where your identity isn’t a liability, but a part of the American story.